Modern Work Ethic: Now with 100% Less Work

Let me tell you about my wife, Erin. She’s a badass. She’s a boss. Literally — she runs the place. And yet, every week, like clockwork, her phone lights up with a new creative excuse from one of her employees explaining why they can’t come in.

One of them recently said they had a vision that they shouldn’t work that day. A vision. That’s not a call-out — that’s a prophecy. What’s next? Tarot cards deciding the weekly shift schedule?

Meanwhile, Erin — being the responsible, endlessly patient, borderline divine creature that she is — drags herself into work like a war medic, covering every shift, filling every gap, and somehow not setting the building on fire out of sheer frustration. Honestly, I’d be summoning demons by day three, but she keeps showing up.

She’s the kind of boss who wants to make things better, which is so adorable and tragic. But her employees treat their jobs like a hobby they pick up once a week between TikTok scrolls and identity crises.

And let’s be honest, hiring new people is a game of “Who Can Lie the Most Confidently During an Interview?” They say they’re reliable and hardworking, but two weeks in, they’re already calling in because Mercury is in Gatorade and their emotional support lizard is anxious.

No one wants to work anymore, but more specifically, no one wants to work while actually doing the job they’re paid for. They want the check, the praise, the flexible hours, the free snacks, and a therapist on-site — but don’t ask them to show up on time. That’s violence.

And Erin? She just takes it. She manages chaos with the grace of someone whose coffee is doing 100% of the emotional labor. I watch her juggle schedules, paperwork, and borderline adult toddlers while I sit here uselessly wishing I could make her life easier — maybe by hunting down every call-in artist and reading them the employee handbook with a baseball bat.

But alas, I can’t fix this. I can only rant. So here it is.

To all the call-in champions of the world: you’re not special. You’re just inconvenient. Show up. Do your job. Be less awful. Or at the very least, get better at lying. Erin deserves that much.

As always, stay chaotic.

Tyler