Barely Functioning Press

It's Literally Right There, But Go Off I Guess

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You ever get that call? “Hey, I can’t find it. I looked everywhere.” And you know...

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This morning I woke up to the sound of my daughter screaming “WHERE ARE MY SHOES” like it was...

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Let me tell you about my wife, Erin. She’s a badass. She’s a boss. Literally — she runs the...

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I’m just going to say it: some of y’all treat Facebook like it’s a confessional booth at a meth...

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So I’m sitting there, minding my own business—doing literally nothing productive, as one does...

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You know what’s romantic? Sharing your life—and your bed—with someone you love. You know what...

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Let’s talk about the psychological warfare that is slow drivers. Not just slow in general—no...